Feeling Out of the Loop...?

I've been meaning to post for quite some time now; to attempt to extrapolate and unpack the complex emotion of grief, to update you on the status of my semi-interesting life/well-being, and to practice the art of writing by sharing what can only be irreverently described (thanks to Jack Handy) as my "Deep Thoughts." However, I have completely lacked both the time and emotional energy to do so. I have half-written blogs both in my head and on the backs of envelopes, but I just can't seem to bring them to fruition in a timely manner. And since there is undeniably something incredibly anal about me, I feel like all my posts must be published chronologically (as in, the order in which I plucked them out of thin air and deemed them worth sharing with you). As such, I've got a logjam.

But in reality, that's stupid. So instead (and in an effort to liberate myself from my own psychological prison of "musts") I'm going to do a somewhat random (albeit current) post about "the State of Anne Marie." As I find the time (and gumption) to finish the aforementioned incomplete blogs, I'll post them. Just don't be surprised if you have this nagging feeling that they're out of order - because they are.

So now with that out of the way, I live in Seattle!


Locale

Crazy, right? I keep saying it to myself in an effort to try it out on my own sensibilities, and even as I sit on my recently rescued-from-storage couch, I still can't quite believe it. I'm both excited and numbed by this fact. While I (not so) secretly find it intimidating to live in a big city, I'm trying to view it through the lens of foreign travel. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know new cities in Italy - roaming around, acquainting myself with the city centers, memorizing a map and public transit schedules, patronizing local businesses - it was all so thrilling! So my thought is to view Seattle in the same way. It's all in the eye of the beholder, right? But it's still a transition to go from suburban living to urban living. Things are simultaneously WAY more convenient and terribly inconvenient. But I'm doing my best to adjust.

Therefore, few (trite) city observations:

• There is no such thing as a speed limit. Whether you're on the freeway, a highway or a city street people go whatever speed they dang-well want to. It could be 75 mph or 10mph. Bottom line: stay alert.
  
• There is an alternative to I-5 and it's called Highway 99. And it's simultaneously the most frightening thing I've ever been on/genius!/semi-difficult to navigate (read: what is with the exits??). It's a "highway" but the speed limit is 40 - not that anyone is going that (it's either 55 or 35, no joke.) It has stop lights. Stop. Lights. (??) "Exits" are right hand turns onto residential streets (weird) with virtually no warning. Not to mention three lanes of on-coming traffic with NO DIVIDER! (Dustin, after all you've taught be about cable barrier, this literally makes my butt pucker when I drive it.) Can anyone say "white knuckles?!" And yet, it is an alternative to the snarly traffic nightmare we like to call I-5 and I therefore love it.


• Everything is close and within walking distance, but there is no "one-stop shopping." You have to go to the drug store, the hardware store, the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker individually. (Note: I did locate a Fred Meyer 10 minutes from my house, so that helps, but the concept is still largely true.) Stores aren't necessarily grouped together for ease of use and shared advertising. There are no "community" parking lots. However, there are three parks within walking distance of my house (so that's something).


• Gas station? What's a gas station?


• Public transportation is now a convenient and realistic option...if I don't mind doubling my travel time (which makes the point of using it, what again? I know, I know "carbon footprint," sheesh!)

Social life

All in all, I am warming up to urban life. Slowly, yet my affection is undeniably blooming. I suppose the fact that I have found a new church that I really like (it's all about community and small groups and really great, geeky applications of technology! Well, and Jesus too, but I figured that was a given) and that I've made a friend or two has helped to nurture the cause along.

Semi-related tangent: it's weird to be in a place where I am actively seeking to make friends again. Admittedly, it's slow going - I don't have the luxury of a 500 person college class or a dorm building to serve as a jumping-off point. But it turns out I'm still capable of connecting with strangers and cultivating relationships, so that's good. However, it often turns out that I miss the friends I already have all the more terribly, but I suppose that's only natural. And thus, I soldier on. (Insert dramatic, almost-but-not-quite pathetic sigh here.)

Fortunately, I can always mooch off of Pete's friends so I don't get too lonely - thanks Pete!

Work/School/...???

So last I spoke of the proverbial "next step" in life, I boldly announced that I was destined to become a teacher and heading back to school - look out world!! Well, while that still remains largely true (chyeah!, the world had better look out...) I've decided to postpone "the plan" for at least a year. Turns out its really hard to be a fully-functioning, cohesive adult while grieving. Well, at least for me it is. And while I certainly have good days and the ol' optimistic spring in my step is, well, as spring-y as ever (just pretend that's a word; it's fine), there are still days when it's difficult to get it together. So since I intend to enjoy my future education (I'll certainly be paying enough for it!) and subsequent career path, I've chosen to wait until I feel like the ground has once again materialized under my feet and I no longer have to remind myself to take it one day at a time or to put one foot in front of the other. So perhaps by next fall I will be a student. But for now, I've been blessed with consistent temp work and a few job possibilities on the horizon and I'm content with that.

If you're still reading this, I'm totally impressed. I apologize for the length and lack of cohesion on this post (it's not really one for the memory books), but I had to start somewhere, so thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully there will be more (and better!) things to come, but I feel as if I have tortured you enough for the present.