M's Tickets for TONIGHT!

Update!: Only two tickets left!!

Sorry to use the blog for advertising purposes, but I just had someone back out of all four tickets for tonight :( Anyone interested?

7:05pm start time, Felix Hernandez vs. Baltimore. It's the last game of the home-stand and we're going for the sweep. Felix days are ALWAYS good games and it should be fun tonight.

Seats are on the 100 level, in foul territory along the 3rd baseline in left field. About 10 rows back from the actual field. Sec 149, Row 20, Seats 3, 4. $20 a seat.

Let me know if you're interested!!

Wanna Go To an M's Game?

Hello Readership!

So I forget if I shared with you that Mark and I sprung for season tix to the M's this year (it's gonna be their year...) and from time to time there will be games we can't attend. This Wednesday night is one of those times. So forgive me while I advertise for a brief moment.

The seats are in Section 149, Row 20, Seats 1-4. They are on the one hundred level, along the third base line in left field foul territory. Seats are approx 10 rows behind the edge of the field and provide a 180 degree view of the field. You can see all the action and the big screen. Tickets in this section are typically valued at $32 a seat.

The section is only six seats wide, so these seats occupy most of the row. (Located near the garlic fries and several bathrooms!)

If anyone is interested in going, we'd love to sell you the tickets for $20 a pop. Respond either in the comments or via email.

Thanks!!

Boo FaceBook!

I have been avoiding FaceBook like the friggin' plague for several years now and after an insatiable craving to find my dear friend from college Anne Pries, I soon realized that the only way I was going to be able to contact my long lost friend was via the dreaded website.

So I signed up.

And it's just as awful as I expected: it's completely addicting, I can't turn it off and I now spend all my free time "lurking." Yes, I confess - I'm too chicken to actually friend half the people I'm curious about, so I just nose through their lives (or at least, what's available on facebook) and let one person's page lead me to another and then another....augh, it's disgusting. I'm totally a lurker and I'm totally addicted. It's after midnight, my laptop battery is nearly extinguished and I can't stop. I'm exhausted! I don't want to look anymore!! Yet....I can't shut it down. (Stupid facebook.)

I will admit, it's nice to touch base with peeps I've previously been out of touch with, but there's something sickening about my relationship with this site already. Why do I feel compelled to enter every preference I have into this stupid website? Why do I feel like I'm doing a disservice to the world by not uploading my photos? Why am I constantly trying to come up with something to put on my wall? It's a disease. I have facebookitis. Bad. I'm going try not to develop a terminal case, but it will be hard.

Good-bye free time, it was nice knowing you.

Movie Review: Valentine's Day

I know, I know - cheesy, girly, chick flick is written all over this movie - I won't deny it. But at least I salvaged a shred of self-respect by waiting until March to see it (I mean, right?).

In any case, I recently had the opportunity to go see the movie Valentine's Day with my new friend Katie and we made the best of it. I had actually heard the movie wasn't very good (which is saying a lot when a known quantity like a sappy chick-flick gets the thumbs down from a gaggle of girls), so our expectations were pretty low.

I think the idea behind the film was to build on the success of popular tangentially-related, multiple-plot type movies like Love Actually* or She's Just Not That Into You. Unfortunately the attempt comes off much like that kid in junior high with the cotton candy pink Wet n' Wild lipstick who is clearly trying too hard. In an effort to avoid the stereotypical, cookie-cutter endings to which most romantic comedies fall victim (and thus, why we love them), nearly every plot has an "unexpected" twist. While the effort to do something different is appreciated (...kind of), the end result stinks. It is instead a movie of overly predictable endings. You expect the unexpected (except of course for the main plot, which is 100% predictable...and probably the most enjoyable part of the movie, actually).

If you're going to attempt something like this, it requires authentic story lines with quality character building. Do I even have to tell you that quality plot doesn't touch this movie with a ten-foot poll? I didn't think so.

However, all is not lost for Valentine's Day. Even though the formula for the movie is clearly a poor man's Love Actually (even to the point of sub-plot mimicry), I will give it bonus points for humor. As much as I want to dislike Ashton Kutcher, he is goofy and awkward and completely charming in the most wonderful way. I was having absolute giggle fits over some of his scenes with Jennifer Garner. Jamie Foxx has a few good lines too and really, even though the plot with McSteamy turned out to be kind of lame - who cares! HE'S McSTEAMY!!!

As far as entertainment value goes, I have to give it a passing grade. I laughed, I cringed at the horrifically embarrassing high school scene, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself for 90 minutes. You've got to at least give it that. Would I recommend it? Not to spend money on. But at the same time, I felt like I got my $5/hour of entertainment out of it...just not as a quality movie. If you watch it, keep your expectations low, try to limit your predictions (for your own sake) and let yourself get sucked in by Ashton and Jennifer's charm. It'll be worth it (if you rented it from a Red Box or are watching it on someone else's dime).

My favorite part though was an out-take. For all you Julia Roberts fans out there, this one's for you (Note: this does not spoil the movie in any way - although, why would you be worried about that? - but it does spoil this funny out-take so continue at your own risk). During a scene near the end of the movie she is riding in a limo. The driver asks her if she's ever been shopping on Rodeo Drive. Without missing a beat she half-smiles and says, "Yeah....one time. Big mistake. Big. HUGE!**"

I was absolutely tickled! She used one of her own quotes in context. She's my new hero, I could've died happy right there :)

*If you haven't seen this movie - you really should. It's wonderfully done and the opposite of this movie I'm currently tearing to pieces.

**If you don't get this - I'm sad for you. Go watch Pretty Woman. Right now. Go!!

Missing In Action

I know it's been quite a while since I touched base with the blogging community and the truth is my answer to "Where have you been?" is two-fold: I've been busy and I've been sad.

Busy
Not long after my last post, I got a job. I applied for and interviewed (twice!) for an Executive Assistant position at a non-profit, was one of the final two candidates - and didn't get the job. However, apparently I made enough of an impression, and they asked me to interview for another position (a program assistant). I got that job. Now I've been there a month.

Actually, I can hardly believe that last statement is true but, there it is. The world of non-proficy (?? hahaa...ahhh, good times) is a lot to absorb. It's complicated, complex, and surprisingly interesting. The organization I work for is kind of like a middle-manager: we get grants from the government, match them with private funds and then re-grant them out to organizations that provide services (health care assistance, economic opportunities, case management, etc.) to homeless families. We track the organizations, the success/failure of the programs, and ensure compliance with the terms of the grant (so essentially we're micro-managers) all while providing technical assistance for our grantees (not IT, but rather, how to successfully do X or screen for Y or whatever) as well as apply for new grants from the government and advocate (read: pester) our local and federal legislators to be sure funding is secured for our programs. Sounds like a lot, eh? Well it is.

The nuts and bolts aren't really particularly important to you, so I won't get any more detailed (convoluted?) than that, but I will tell you that my job is specifically to support the grantwriting and evaluation team. If that sounds dry and boring, well it is a bit. However, the people who do that work are really awesome and the work they ask me to do, while administrative, is pretty intellectually challenging, so I like it. It's not teaching, but it's what I can handle right now, so I'm happy about it (and you should be too). Plus, did you know that non-profits have bomb benefits? 'Cause they do. Or, at least this one does. WAAAAAY better than my old job. That's for sho'.

Sad
The reality is also that even though I have been busy establishing my new life in Seattle (which really is going well, don't get me wrong), it seems that everything reminds me of mom. Whether its a movie we used to both love (The Untouchables, Bull Durham, Diggstown), some project idea that pops into my head (hmm, I need curtains. How should I do that? I know I'll ask...oh, yeah), a song on the radio (this actually happens more often than you'd think) or something I know she'd get a kick out of - she's just constantly in my thoughts. There seems to be no way around it.

Mostly the brunt of it hits me when I'm alone (because let's face it, I'm still the same optimistic, slightly naive, happy-to-be-around-other-people person I've always been). So when I come home, watch some show mom and I used to watch, eat some cookies (man, she really loved cookies), or get some random project idea, my heart feels like it's actually constricting with loneliness for her. My eyes brim with tears and I let out a small wail a lá Mary Tyler Moore, "Oh mom!" and indulge myself in a moment of weepiness. I suppose this is probably pretty normal, especially since I'm only 28, still a kid in my mind's eye, and it's only been four months. So I'm trying to go with it and "grieve healthy."

One of the side effects of this, however, is a marked listlessness. Doing anything outside of what is considered absolutely necessary (things like say, blogging) requires an immense amount of energy. But I've recently come to realize that even though it's important to let myself grieve, it's also really really easy to slip into a kind of spiraling self-pity and that's not okay. (Besides, I'm getting kind of tired of just being a bump on my couch.) So in order to help temper the unhealthy - here I am! (Although, ironically, this activity requires me to sit on the couch...I guess I could sit on the floor - but that's not really the point.)

Anyway, all that to say: that's where I've been. For now, I'm going to attempt to churn out some content more regularly, but I have no idea what's going to come out when I actually sit down to write (so be forewarned!) but I hope you'll stick around anyway. :)

Mass Transit Success!

Yesterday, I'm proud to announce, I discovered an express bus route that takes me to and from work in a reasonably efficient manner. I have to walk a fair amount (up first hill, augh!) but I figure the walking is good for me (right?).

Actually, my morning bus ride experience might make you chuckle. So, the bus stop where I am to be picked up is only three blocks from my house - a super easy commute. As I rounded the corner to walk the last block, I saw my bus pulling up to the curb. I immediately broke out into a sprint in an effort to catch the bus (duh). Unfortunately, to catch the bus, I had to cross two intersections (the stop was kitty-corner from me) and by the time I had dodged pedestrians and traffic alike, the bus was zooming away from me. Rats!

Now, if you've ever frequented a mass transist system, you know that the tricky thing about being new to any given route is knowing which side of the street (or tracks) to stand on. You could be in the right place at the right time and still end up going the wrong direction (which I've totally done before and when you get off after one stop, makes you feel pretty sheepish. Whatever, I'm over it.) So being the seasoned veteran that I am, I breathlessly checked the bus schedule on that side of the street and discovered, yay!, that bus was actually not my bus. then I commenced to make the "walk of shame" as I crossed the street again and inserted myself into the gaggle of people I had just sprinted through to run after ,what turned out to be, not my bus. Talk about feeling sheepish...heh heh...ah, yeah. (Insert gentle let-down, semi-awkward sigh here.)

As I got on the bus though, all was forgotten as I was stopped short when I took a seat next to Bullet-Tooth Tony*. No joke, I had to try and not stare. They guy really looked like him! (Although later that same day, I thought the Fed-Ex guy looked kind of shy-yet-adorable a la Bill Pullman, so perhaps it was just a faux celebrity sighting kind of day.)

*It's from the movie Snatch. If you don't know it...well, just forget I brought it up.

Feeling Out of the Loop...?

I've been meaning to post for quite some time now; to attempt to extrapolate and unpack the complex emotion of grief, to update you on the status of my semi-interesting life/well-being, and to practice the art of writing by sharing what can only be irreverently described (thanks to Jack Handy) as my "Deep Thoughts." However, I have completely lacked both the time and emotional energy to do so. I have half-written blogs both in my head and on the backs of envelopes, but I just can't seem to bring them to fruition in a timely manner. And since there is undeniably something incredibly anal about me, I feel like all my posts must be published chronologically (as in, the order in which I plucked them out of thin air and deemed them worth sharing with you). As such, I've got a logjam.

But in reality, that's stupid. So instead (and in an effort to liberate myself from my own psychological prison of "musts") I'm going to do a somewhat random (albeit current) post about "the State of Anne Marie." As I find the time (and gumption) to finish the aforementioned incomplete blogs, I'll post them. Just don't be surprised if you have this nagging feeling that they're out of order - because they are.

So now with that out of the way, I live in Seattle!


Locale

Crazy, right? I keep saying it to myself in an effort to try it out on my own sensibilities, and even as I sit on my recently rescued-from-storage couch, I still can't quite believe it. I'm both excited and numbed by this fact. While I (not so) secretly find it intimidating to live in a big city, I'm trying to view it through the lens of foreign travel. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know new cities in Italy - roaming around, acquainting myself with the city centers, memorizing a map and public transit schedules, patronizing local businesses - it was all so thrilling! So my thought is to view Seattle in the same way. It's all in the eye of the beholder, right? But it's still a transition to go from suburban living to urban living. Things are simultaneously WAY more convenient and terribly inconvenient. But I'm doing my best to adjust.

Therefore, few (trite) city observations:

• There is no such thing as a speed limit. Whether you're on the freeway, a highway or a city street people go whatever speed they dang-well want to. It could be 75 mph or 10mph. Bottom line: stay alert.
  
• There is an alternative to I-5 and it's called Highway 99. And it's simultaneously the most frightening thing I've ever been on/genius!/semi-difficult to navigate (read: what is with the exits??). It's a "highway" but the speed limit is 40 - not that anyone is going that (it's either 55 or 35, no joke.) It has stop lights. Stop. Lights. (??) "Exits" are right hand turns onto residential streets (weird) with virtually no warning. Not to mention three lanes of on-coming traffic with NO DIVIDER! (Dustin, after all you've taught be about cable barrier, this literally makes my butt pucker when I drive it.) Can anyone say "white knuckles?!" And yet, it is an alternative to the snarly traffic nightmare we like to call I-5 and I therefore love it.


• Everything is close and within walking distance, but there is no "one-stop shopping." You have to go to the drug store, the hardware store, the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker individually. (Note: I did locate a Fred Meyer 10 minutes from my house, so that helps, but the concept is still largely true.) Stores aren't necessarily grouped together for ease of use and shared advertising. There are no "community" parking lots. However, there are three parks within walking distance of my house (so that's something).


• Gas station? What's a gas station?


• Public transportation is now a convenient and realistic option...if I don't mind doubling my travel time (which makes the point of using it, what again? I know, I know "carbon footprint," sheesh!)

Social life

All in all, I am warming up to urban life. Slowly, yet my affection is undeniably blooming. I suppose the fact that I have found a new church that I really like (it's all about community and small groups and really great, geeky applications of technology! Well, and Jesus too, but I figured that was a given) and that I've made a friend or two has helped to nurture the cause along.

Semi-related tangent: it's weird to be in a place where I am actively seeking to make friends again. Admittedly, it's slow going - I don't have the luxury of a 500 person college class or a dorm building to serve as a jumping-off point. But it turns out I'm still capable of connecting with strangers and cultivating relationships, so that's good. However, it often turns out that I miss the friends I already have all the more terribly, but I suppose that's only natural. And thus, I soldier on. (Insert dramatic, almost-but-not-quite pathetic sigh here.)

Fortunately, I can always mooch off of Pete's friends so I don't get too lonely - thanks Pete!

Work/School/...???

So last I spoke of the proverbial "next step" in life, I boldly announced that I was destined to become a teacher and heading back to school - look out world!! Well, while that still remains largely true (chyeah!, the world had better look out...) I've decided to postpone "the plan" for at least a year. Turns out its really hard to be a fully-functioning, cohesive adult while grieving. Well, at least for me it is. And while I certainly have good days and the ol' optimistic spring in my step is, well, as spring-y as ever (just pretend that's a word; it's fine), there are still days when it's difficult to get it together. So since I intend to enjoy my future education (I'll certainly be paying enough for it!) and subsequent career path, I've chosen to wait until I feel like the ground has once again materialized under my feet and I no longer have to remind myself to take it one day at a time or to put one foot in front of the other. So perhaps by next fall I will be a student. But for now, I've been blessed with consistent temp work and a few job possibilities on the horizon and I'm content with that.

If you're still reading this, I'm totally impressed. I apologize for the length and lack of cohesion on this post (it's not really one for the memory books), but I had to start somewhere, so thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully there will be more (and better!) things to come, but I feel as if I have tortured you enough for the present.

Where Has 10 Years Gone?

Note: I wrote this back in October, but hadn't gotten around to posting it yet when everything happened with my mom. So I'm getting around to it now. I was hoping to include a few pics, but oh well.

For the most part, I was really looking forward to my high school reunion. I didn't love high school - it wasn't "the glory days" - but I didn't hate it either. I made some good friends, I went to Young Life and found the Lord, I had a lot of good times, I had success. Generally speaking, it was a great jumping off point into adulthood. But by the same token, after graduation I only saw a handful of people from high school, and that was mostly because they too went to Western. By my junior year of college, I wasn't keeping up with a single person from my alma mater.

I like to think I had a relatively good self-esteem for the typical high school student, but the reality is, I was a victim to the curse of adolescence: I was a slave to what others thought of me (or more accurately, what I thought others thought of me). As a result I was hesitant to really be myself. Instead I was constantly on the prowl for social cues and non-verbal indicators that might point me in the direction of what I ought to be. Sad, isn't it? Who wants to live life like that? But of course, I didn't see it then.

From my vantage point now, I can see that in reality the only thing that separated me from the "popular kids" or the kids I thought had it all together, was confidence. Those kids had missed the memo that you were supposed to be concerned about what everyone thought of you and instead just did their own thing. Right or wrong, they did it. And in turn, we respected them for it, deemed them popular for it, and tried to figure the mystery out for ourselves. Truly the social culture of high school is a fascinating phenomenon to me. I wonder if anyone has done any studies on it....

But now I'm straying from my point, which is to say that, since high school I had grown into a quiet confidence of my own and was now comfortable in my own skin and proud of the young woman I had developed into. So needless to say, when I first received the invitation to the reunion, I immediately uttered a small yelp of fear and my stomach quivered and jumped up into my throat the same way it does when I pass a cop and I'm 5 miles over the limit. (It's funny how the smallest things can undo 10 years of emotional growth in a heartbeat isn't it?) But then I took a deep breath, reminded myself that I was fresh off one of the best experiences of my life (8 week Italy sojourn) and that I liked who I was. I had nothing to be afraid of.

Fortunately they give you months and months of advanced warning for these things, so I put that time to good use losing five pounds and reminding myself that I'm proud of who I've become...even if I am jobless, boyfriendless, live at home and feel a little bit like Romy and Michele. I'll just tell everyone I invented Post-Its. It'll be fine.

Truthfully, I was a bit nervous as the date approached, but fortunately I had recently figured out what I'll be doing with the rest of my life and that gave me an enormous amount of peace. I really didn't care that "on paper" I sort of sounded like a loser. I had gained confidence and maturity (and really cute hair) in the last ten years and I was excited to share it with friends I hadn't seen in a decade. Not to mention, I was terribly curious about what ten years had done to them.

Way back when, on the night of my graduation, I had my first glimpse of what I can only call liberation from the high school mind-set. For the first time I stopped thinking about people's "reputation" and just hung out with people just because. I have no idea why I did that, but I can't tell you how many people I "met" that night and how I wished I had spent time with them over the last three years. Ahh, my first glimpse of regret. It was precisely because of this freedom and consequent regret that, despite any short-lived moments of panic, I was firmly committed to attending my ten year reunion.

As the day arrived, I was mostly calm yet excited, with only fleeting moments of hysteria peppered in. Whenever I felt one of those sneaking up on me, I reassured myself by coming up with false facts about myself I could distribute (should the need arise) not unlike John Cusack's character in Gross Pointe Blank. That seemed to do the trick.

Really, the hardest part of the whole night was walking all alone into an enormous room of familiar strangers. I checked in at the desk, received a name-tag with my embarrassing senior photo in color (thanks for that extra special touch Dave), and for the briefest moment, considered turning directly around and running away. I squelched my flight instinct though, stuck my chin out, and told myself the secret is to appear confident even if I don't feel it. Then I proceeded directly to the bar. If I was going to loiter in a room of former classmates, I was going to do it with a drink in my hand and appearing cool, calm, and collected, dammit!

Moments later, whiskey sour in hand, my long-time friend (and the person I was probably most excited to "re-union" with) Dave Andresen crossed the room and gave me a great big hug. Suddenly, the jitters were gone and I was glad I came. And it was pretty much smooth sailing from there on out.

For the most part, people were exactly the same. Despite growing up, maturing, and becoming adults, people still are who they are. Sarcasm may have morphed into cynicism or confidence into contentedness or misplaced self-doubt into bravado, but the core person is the same. It was simultaneously oddly comforting and off-putting. Perhaps I hadn't changed as much as I thought I had...Perhaps it was simply that I decided to like that person rather than loathe her.

The design of the evening was pretty much drinks, dinner, and socializing. I made an effort to talk with as many people as possible, but I know I only made it around to about half the people there (and I think we had just over a hundred). It was fun to catch up with people I had been friends with and to catch a greater glimpse of the people I'd barely gotten to know. I was shocked to learn I had made an impression on others, much in the way they had left their fingerprint on my memories. I had always figured I had slipped into and out of other's lives without much of an impact, but it wasn't so. I was surprised to see people I had gone to school with since first grade and that I hadn't even realized were a part of my graduating class. I guess you get so used to seeing a person every day of your life, for twelve years, that they cease to distinguish themselves from the scenery of your life. I also met people I had absolutely no recollection of, nor did they have any of me (now, that was weird).

All in all, it was a really, really good night. It was all I could've wanted in a reunion and I was thankful I went. My only regret was that more familiar faces hadn't been there. There were plenty of others I really would've liked to catch up with. I'm not sure if their lack of attendance was the result of a schedule-conflict, or speaks to more of a psychological conflict...Either way, in my opinion, they missed out. I walked out of there feeling exhausted, happy, with my curiosity satiated, and wearing someone else's coat*. I guess that's just how it works when you're the last to leave.

*I had a brief Chili Palmer moment when I realized the last coat hanging on the rack wasn't mine, but then I found my car keys in my purse. Which is probably for the best anyway. I wouldn't have liked to start a war over a coat and end up chasing a dry-cleaner named Leo to LA and in the mean time get involved with some shady guys in the movie producing business. I mean, not unless it was like, my favorite coat or something.

IT'S A GIRL!!

I'm pleased to announce that Mark and Monica's wee little bun in the oven is a GIRL!!

They had previously decided that this was going to be their last attempt at a girl, and especially in light of everything that has happened with my mom, I'm sure it wouldn't surprise you to learn that when I heard the news, I immediately began to sob in joy. (Quite embarrassing, as I was in a little sandwich cafe at the time, but oh well.)

I can honestly say, I've never been so happy and so sad, simultaneously. Of course, this news doesn't actually change anything: Mom still won't be here to know and love this new baby. But it is truly heartening to me to know that God still has a wonderful and loving plan. He knew before we did, just how much is would mean to have a baby girl in the family right now. Not three years ago when we first met Gracen, not (presumably) years from now when I have children, but Right. Now.

God knew far in advance that right now, this would be the time for a girl. That this would be a balm for our hearts. That NOW was the perfect time to say Yes to the dearest wish of our hearts. And for that, I am grateful.

In the mean time, you may prepare yourself to greet our newest family member in late May, by the name of Miss Julia Jane (after my mom, of course!).

Time to Move On

Thanks to the many readers out there who suggested ways to save my poor little machine-washed ipod shuffle. But alas, after giving it my best effort at resuscitation via your suggestions, I've had to come to terms with the loss and let go.

Thankfully, Apple just came out with a new generation of ipod shuffles and now I get to test drive the new version - woo hoo! Not only is it smaller in size, bigger in storage, and broader in features, it's dang adorable! Check me out!

No seriously, check me out...*

*Can anyone out there name that quote?? Becky Hussey, I'm looking at you...