In a funk, that's where.
It's been so long since I've posted anything, I hope you're still out there, dear readers. And I hope you'll accept my apologies. :)
When I (finally) arrived home after the longest last day in the history of ever, I fully intended to write a nice little sum-up post, book-ending my trip abroad with final thoughts, funny little quips and witty life lessons that I'd picked up along the way. However, the longer I was home, the more daunting and impossible this task became in my mind's eye. How could I possibly package what I had learned about life, Italy, and myself into a tidy little blog post? I found that the harder I thought about it, the more impossible it seemed. The more I tried to collect my thoughts, the more scattered they'd become.
Eventually my frustration bloomed into full-blown blogger's block and I even began to avoid checking my email, as it simply reminded me of the mounding debt I owed my blog. But I've been home for over a month now and enough is enough. So let me explain. (*pause*) No. There is too much; let me sum up: Buttercup is marry Humperdink in little less than half an hour...
Oh wait, that's the wrong sum-up. The truth is, when I came home, I experienced a greater culture shock than when I first arrived in Italy. It was only when I came back to what was "normal" could I see just how different my life had been over the last two months (and how that perception of normal had shifted). It ranged from small things like the thickness of pizza crust and over-cooked pasta, to bigger things like how strangers don't frequently start conversations with you and how ordering coffee is really more about one's own self-perception more than it is coffee. Suddenly, home didn't feel....well, exactly like home. Instead I was lulled into re-evaluating everything I thought I knew. (It was similar to the feeling one gets in college when he/she realizes there really is more than one way to skin a cat, as it were.)
But it wasn't just culture shock that had me stunted. I was also suddenly and brutally aware of the difference between living alone (in a far, far away distant land) and living at home...on the family couch...out of a bag. While initially I had been hesitant to travel alone and spend 100% of my time with me, I had really grown to like it. In fact, I loved it. But once I was home, the only time I was ever alone was on the pot (and that wasn't exactly the "me" time I was looking for).
Anyway, despite all this nonsense running circles and colliding in my head, I reasoned that moving forward from this point, I had three possible paths to choose from:
1.) Stay in the states, move to a new city and find a new job (possibly career)
2.) Plan another short sojourn like the one I'd just completed (destination unspecified)
3.) Move to Italy for a year (or so) and study the language
Depending on the day (or my mood), I'm in favor of a different option. So I'm interested, what do YOU think I should do next??
4 comments:
In order of MY personal preference:
1. Short trip, THEN
2. Italy for one year, THEN
3. Home for a job.
Why pick one... do all three! In that order.
Yeah! Glad you are back in blogland.
K
To you, dear Poux, I would say this:
I've heard that once you spend time abroad you can never truly come home because, as you've discovered, both yourself and your perceptions of what "home" is have changed.
I've also heard that with time your new perceptions slowly cease to be new, and eventually become incorporated into a new concept of what "home" is.
But also, it occurs to me that you haven't really come "home" as it were. You came back to your parents' house to live out of a bag. So it's bound to be different, right?
So here are my questions in response to your questions:
1) Do you want to return to Italy because you love Italy, or because you want to relive your recent adventure? (You can never relive an adventure, only make new ones. If you choose this one be sure you're expecting new adventures!)
2) Do you want to move to a new city and start a new job because you are craving something new, or because you want to get away from something familiar? (Removing yourself from something can sometimes give you a new perspective, but it rarely solves a problem.)
3) I don't have a snazzy question for the third option. If you can think of one, ask it to yourself now.
If I were to hazard a guess, I would say that you really want to move to a new city and find a new job and invent a new "home", but that's a fair deal scarier than the now familiar traveling alone.
It's cool to have all these options though, isn't it?
Hi Poux,
I haven't written any comments yet, but thought I'd chime in on this one. Having gone through what you're experiencing right now, my inclination would be to move there and enjoy your time in a new culture. Go back.
I completely agree with Brian though. Don't go to remember old adventures, go to make new ones again. That's the fun of shaking up your own world.
Remember that once you get into a career and whatnot, it's usually very difficult for people to leave again. They start feeling attached and "secure". I've been there too, and the best thing I did was rip myself away. It hurts when you do that though, even though it's great. So, to not hurt, just rip yourself away now. Go do what you are craving to. You might not ever get to do it again without some pain.
Glad to see you back! If I were you and if the funds were there and you have no real need to be here (the US of A that is) I would take a fun sojourn somewhere else...not just Italy but go anywhere maybe spend some time in other parts of Europe and experience other cultures and people or go somewhere random like Japan or Australia that way you are less likely to try to recreate what you just experienced and then check in with yourself to see if you want to go back to Italy for the one year school or just another short visit or come back to the States. Go and see the world while you can you will always have America and jobs. I will be praying for you as you make this decision.
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