D'oh!

After days of literally doing nothing more than napping and eating chocolate (so far, this is my coping mechanism for grief) I actually put on clothes, ran errands and did laundry today - I know, right!? Huge Accomplishment!

Too bad I discovered in the midst of my second load that I had washed my ipod shuffle :( Now it too has forever passed onto the other side.

Just to review: my current ipod count is zero. This is down two from a year ago. Awww. (Feel free to send more sympathy cards on learning this newest tragic news.)

The Funeral

We will be having a memorial service for my mom on Thursday, November 12th at St. Stephen's in Renton. Viewing will begin at 12:00pm and the service will begin at 1:00pm with a reception to immediately follow. We would love it if you would come. If you plan on attending, please bring a single flower for part of the service.

St. Stephen's the Martyr Church
13055 SE 192nd
Renton, WA 98058
Click for google map


View Larger Map

It's Official

After a long struggle, mom passed at 11:25pm tonight. It looks like we'll be having a viewing on Wednesday night and a service on Thursday afternoon in Kent. We'll let you know more details as we figure them out.

Won't Be Long Now...

Not much to report at this point. Her oxygen levels are really starting to come down and as a result, her heart is working even harder to compensate. (Un?)fortunately, her heart is a champ and just keeps pumpin' away. As her breathing becomes more labored, we're increasing her morphine in an effort to help her relax. I suspect it won't be too much longer...

We're all here, spending time with her in the final hours - retelling stories, laughing, crying, just being. For the most part, we're tired - but good.

Saying Goodbye

It's been an emotional but peace-filled morning. We're doing our best to surround mom with the people and things that she loved. We brought one of her quilts to snuggle her in and sprayed her with her favorite perfume. Mark and Austin made muffins (a Sunday morning tradition of my mom's) and we've been force-feeding them to everyone. :) Dede brought a cheap rosé (her favorite) with which we will toast her with in her final moments. We've been playing her all her favorite tunes, as well as a final good-bye recording from Austin and Gracen, which she seemed to respond to.

We've each had a bit of time to say our last good-bye and hold her in our hands for the final time. We've finally all arrived and will be taking her off the respirator shortly. I know I keep saying this, but I simply can't say it enough: all of the thoughts and prayers and words of endless comfort have been such a help during her time of passing, thank you. I know they must feel abrupt, awkward or insufficient, but truly, they have each been a blessing - every one. So again, a heart-felt thank you.

It's That Time

After prayerful consideration, numerous family and medical staff meetings, and reviewing my mom's will directives, we've decided to no longer artificially prolong her life. The damage to her brain is just too extent to expect any kind of quality of life after this point. Her brain swelling is not decreasing and she is just not very responsive. So with heavy hearts, we're preparing to say good-bye.

If you haven't had the opportunity to come visit, or if you would like to come say good-bye, please come do so anytime today. We're contacting our immediate family members so that we can decide on a time to take her off the machines and all be present when she does pass. At this point we anticipate it will be sometime tomorrow.

I'll continue to update the blog as details become clearer, but in the mean time, thank you again for all the support. All your notes, comments, phone calls and texts really do make a difference!

Insert Enormous Sigh Here

So, the plot thickens. Yesterday I spent a really great day with my mom in the hospital (of which I will blog about later today and share the details). When I got home I discovered that someone had broken into my mom's house. I know, right - could this possibly come at a worse time? Whoever it was tossed a bunch of my mom's stuff like they were looking for something (which makes no sense). Her clothes are everywhere, her bed is all cattywompus, they pulled out crap all through her bathroom and her closet. The sewing room is somewhat trashed and I know for sure the computer and her expensive jewelry is all gone. We're not sure what else yet, but needless to say, I'll be doing my best to figure all this crap out today.

The idiot burglars were smart enough to come through the back and to find some of her expensive things, but they were dumb enough to leave her purse on the kitchen counter complete with cash, current credit cards and her car keys - can't figure that one out. We're really hoping there's no danger of identity theft, but since I don't have the contents of my mom's house memorized (especially where she kept important documents, etc.) it's hard to know. Since the kitchen was in plain sight and ignored, we're hoping that means they were interrupted and didn't have much time to take things that are truly harmful (like her identity).

In any case, I'll keep you posted, and please add this whole bit of nastiness to you prayers. I won't be making it to the hospital today, as I'm going to try and sort out the whole break-in thing and then I'll be watching the boys so Mark and Monica can have a nice long stint with mom today. I'll let you know what news there is (if any) and I'll try to post about my day yesterday (which was actually very heartening to me).

Mom Update 11/4

Well the weekend troll is back on duty at the nurse's reception desk (have you seen Monster's Inc? Just picture the receptionist from that movie...) and we have a male nurse today for the first time. Mom's continuing to look better each day and she's a little bit more alert. She's keeping her eyes open for longer amounts of time and looking around a bit. Unfortunately, she still doesn't seem to recognize anyone.

They haven't done a CT scan yet today, but they'll do one either later today or tomorrow. She continues to do well with her breathing tests (when they turn the machine off), but it will still likely be a few days before they extubate her (take the breathing tube out). In the mean time, she does have a little fluid in her lungs, so they'll be monitoring that, and she's had a bit of a fever, but it's coming down.

Mostly she's still drowsy and fidgety and likes to hold a hand (and squeeze!). Still no significant movement on the right side and though in general her puffiness is all gone, I can tell the right side remains a bit swollen.

Today I'm giving KJR a rest in her room and instead mom and I are going to be couch potatoes. We'll be watching movies and USA (our favorite channel!) all day. I meant to bring The Untouchables with me today, but forgot. I guess we'll have to save that one for tomorrow :)

Please especially be praying for our family as we're making our way through the denial stage and starting to encounter grief. I think we're each in need of comfort (though we may not know what that looks like...) Again, thank you to everyone who has just been loving on us - we need it!

Mom Update 11/3

Update (5:41pm): The CT scan showed no change in swelling.

Update (4:19pm): Well, it's been a confusing day. The long and the short of it is there isn't any real change. The decrease in swelling yesterday was good, but it was so incremental that it hasn't taken her out of the "danger zone." So she's still in a pretty serious condition and the docs don't have a lot of hope that she will a) be able to move much if at all on the right side or b) that she will have any language comprehension at all. They are having trouble getting her to follow commands, which means she likely doesn't understand. Not new news, but delivered again today (several times) and pretty discouraging. They just did a CT scan and we haven't yet heard the results.

Update (2:11pm): Emily (our awesome nurse) just told me that NO CT scan has been done yet today, so we don't actually know if there is more swelling yet. Today is typically the day of MAX swelling, so perhaps that is what Dr. Teply was referring to...? Now I'm a bit confused, so hang in there (I'm sure you are too). They're going to do a CT scan and we're going to talk to someone in neuro, then hopefully we'll have a clearer picture. Sorry for the confusion - we're trying to figure it out...

I haven't been able to get to the hospital until now and I've learned through the grapevine that for some reason the CT scan didn't happen this morning like we thought it would. So originally we didn't have any results to pass along.

However, Dr. Teply (who is the doc that performed the open heart surgery) said that they finally did the CT scan and it showed that her brain is swelling again and that we may need to revisit the conversation regarding removing a part of her skull. He was quite kind and very empathetic and candidly shared that if the swelling does continue, perhaps it's a more humane way to let her go. She is going to likely be paraplegic and unable to communicate...

The neuro doc is supposed to be on his way to talk with me, so I'll post again when I know more. :(

Mom Update 11/2

Update (7:02pm): After spending some time with mom today, though she hasn't opened her eyes as much as before, she has been moving and fidgeting quite a bit. The movement on her left side seems very intentional and as if she were awake. (But of course, each time I look to her face to check, she's not.) But the movement is deliberate and not simply out of discomfort or necessity, so that's great. I've also begun to see some minimal movement on her right side. I didn't expect that at all, so yay!

Even though things are still a wee bit precarious, it's an enormous relief to know we've turned a corner. I can't tell you how much the constant support from everyone has been - thank you, thank you, and thank you again.

As we settle into a bit of a holding pattern, I will continue to update you on mom's progress, but I'd anticipate it to be more like one (or possibly two) a day. Progress will be slow and (hopefully) steady and we will be going toward staying with mom in shifts more and more. If you would like, feel free to come visit. And remember to focus those prayers not only on recovery, but also specifically with language!!

A bit of good news today - we met with the neuro PA again this morning and she said the newest CT scan showed that the swelling in her brain has gone down - yay!! So that means it's moving in the right direction. It was only an incremental amount, but she is cautiously optimistic that we're out of the danger zone.

They also took her off the respirator for a limited time today to test how she does without it and to look at her natural level of saturation (basically how well she breathes on her own). Things looked good, but the PA doesn't want to actually take her off the breathing tube for a couple more days as a precaution. She said though, as we continue to see the swelling go down, we should begin to see her waking up a little bit more. Which is all great news.

This however, doesn't change her long term outcome. She will likely never be independent again and will require permanent care. Before the swelling began she showed signs of understanding and the ability to follow commands. Again, as the swelling incrementally goes down, we should see incremental gains in both wakefulness and understanding. Just how much...that remains to be seen. She will have to go through extensive occupational and speech therapy for at least a year.

There are, of course, still risks and we're not guaranteed that she's out of the woods...but we're heading there. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. Both Monica and I dreamed of my mom talking last night. More than likely it's more wishful thinking than prophesy, but it doesn't hurt to pray about it. As we move forward and pray for her recovery and guide her through this whole process, let's concentrate on language. Our PA told us that not all of her language center was affected - some of it was spared. It's hard to think of my mom as permanently disabled, but if she were given the mercy of communication - what a blessing that would be!! It's still very early, but the PA anticipated she would have significant difficulty communicating her needs. I can't imagine that is anything but frustrating. Let's pray she's willing and able to tackle the obstacle.

This is all still so overwhelming and surreal....and we have a very long road ahead. Thank you so much for your continued prayer and support - we need it!

A Note About the Posts

If you're receiving these posts via email, you should know that I am editing the posts throughout the day with updates and the system does NOT send out a new email. To see the most up-to-date info, come to the actual blog address: www.itspouxtoyou.blogspot.com. Thanks!

Mom Update 11/1

Update (9:23pm): We just heard from the neuro PA and she told us that the swelling in her brain has remained the same - no increase in swelling. So all in all, we're considering that good news. She's going to put her on a little medication and hopefully we'll see even less swelling when the do another CT scan at 8am tomorrow. Thank you for all the prayers - keep them coming!

Update: The doctors are going to do a second CT scan tonight at 8:00pm to evaluate if her brain is still swelling. We've asked the neurology PA to call us once she's had the chance to analyze it and let us know if she's still swelling, holding, or decreasing in swelling. This will basically let us know what direction the next bend in the road is going to take us. I'll post again tonight once we get the debrief.

I got a call from one of the doctors on the stroke team that is monitoring my mom's case this morning and he told me that the stroke she experienced was fairly extensive. Because the stroke was on the left side of her brain, she will have significant weakness on the right side and likely have language and communication issues and require significant care. This is the best case scenario.

As part of monitoring her care, the team is doing a CT scan each morning. Today's scan revealed additional swelling in the brain (which is the body's normal response). Unfortunately, the skull doesn't allow for much room and the swelling can potentially be life-threatening.

Now (2:02pm) our entire family has just met with the neurologist looking after her and it may come to a point wherein the swelling is so great that it maybe necessary to remove part of her skull in order to preserve life. Unfortunately, because the extent of the stroke was so great (they showed us the CT scan and it has damaged almost the entire left side of her brain) that we're not sure what kind of functionality she's going to have, even for a best case scenario. So just to be clear, if we decided to do the surgery, it wouldn't improve her outlook at all, it would simply increase her chance of living. (Mom has been pretty clear with us in the past that she has no interest in living life as a vegetable. She wants to be here, or not.)

For the brain, maximum swelling usually takes place between 48-72 hours, or the window of time we're in right now. They'll do another scan tonight which will indicate whether it's continuing to swell or beginning to recede. In any case though, the outlook really isn't very bright.

Please continue to keep our family in your prayers and know that if you would like, now would be a prudent time to come visit.